There are two kids who live on my floor who are pretty cool, Joe and Eric. Joe and Eric went out to Remi’s which is the local 18+ to drink bar in the city, and meet up with these two girls there that go to a different bar onthe VERRRRRRRRRY very outskirts of the city, while our school is right near the center.. anyway. Joe and Eric have much smoothness ability with the ladies, not unlike your fair narrator, so the girls decide as a team to say “Ok, lets go hook up at your dorms later.” Except the girls’ friends say to them “Hey, wait, you just met these guys and now you’re going back to their dorms to hook up with them that isn’t smart.” So they convince them to drag Joe and Eric back to the girls’ school, and take the college’s bus back to campus.

When they get back to the school, Joe’s girl sees what else just as she gets off the bus but her boyfriend. Hilarity ensues.

So after narrowly missing a fight Joe and Eric and Eric’s girl go back to the girl’s dorm room. Eric and his chick start to snuggle up closely and Joe is wasted off his rocker right now so he passes out on the room’s floor. Eric’s girl’s roommate then falls asleep, being as it’s 3am, so Eric and his girl decide “Carpe Noctum” and start banging away, and they do this for a little while and it was good until the door to the room opened.

And in the middle of the doorway stood a girl. And she was pissed. And she was screaming.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? YOU LITTLE SLUT, YOU JUST MET THIS GUY AND NOW YOU’RE FUCKING HIM? ARE YOU AN IDIOT, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM AND over and over and over and at the top of her bloody fucking lungs so that the entire Residence Hall comes out and sees this scene, which is Eric standing there, bare-ass naked with a condom on.

Eric DOES NOT HAVE TO TAKE THIS BULLSHIT so rouses Joe and they take the walk of shame down to the RIPTA public bus stop to wait for a ride near to school. And they wait for forty-five minutes and the bus never comes. And they are hotheaded, Eric having been the victim of the ultimate cockblock and Joe seeing pink elephants so they see these newspaper cases that they sell papers out on the street for two quarters and can think of no better way to vent their frustration and anger than to destroy the bus stop. So they’re in the midst of throwing the Providence Journal case through the fourth pane of glass and CRASH BOOM BANG oh shit the bus is here. The bus driver calls the cops, and Eric and Joe have to drunkenly book it out of there.

Through the woods.

And Joe steps in a four-inch deep pile of dog shit.

They finally catch a cab home, at a price of fifty bucks. They didn’t get laid, and they’re wanted by the police.

Ah, college.
- postapocalypticsleaze@hotmail.com